I’m continuing to look at loneliness and solitude.

It occurs to me that there is a world of difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is something that is usually enforced, either by outside conditions or by a misplaced sense of safety, for instance a fear of emotional intimacy could lead to a single lifestyle or that someone is housebound due to old age. Loneliness definitely comes from the feeling that something is missing, but we might not be aware of the cause but concentrate on just the emotion of loneliness.

I’ve been looking at the Psychology today website about solitude and they make clear that there is a big difference between the two states. On their website, they say “Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. One feels that something is missing. It is possible to be with people and still feel lonely—perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200307/what-is-solitude) Loneliness feels empty, that is one of the overriding impressions of loneliness and it also seems that people don’t want to admit to loneliness.

However, solitude, even though it is physically the same as loneliness, is the exact opposite. If anything, solitude has the impression of fullness and depth, and gives us the space to explore that. With solitude, there isn't any longing for companionship or human interaction, it feels like our own private and intimate space of where a person can explore themselves emotionally and intellectually. As the same website says “Solitude is a time that can be used for reflection, inner searching or growth or enjoyment of some kind. Deep reading requires solitude, so does experiencing the beauty of nature. Thinking and creativity usually do too.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200307/what-is-solitude)

There does seem to be three main elements that solitude physically needs. The first is, to state the obvious, space, or an environment where someone feels comfortable. It needs to be the place where someone feels safe, where they know they will be undisturbed by others. When staying at the monastery there are all these little huts everywhere of where the monks “retreat to” to help in their meditation and practices.

Again, the secondary requirement seems pretty obvious, no human contact. It would be impossible to gain a sense of solitude if someone is talking to you! It is this sense of isolation that is fundamental to essential to solitude. I have participated in silent retreats before of where there are about 100 people, segregated from male and female, try to have no contact with each other. This goes as far as no eye contact or hand gestures between people to help reinforce the sense of isolation.

The third one is that it helps to have some connection with nature during the solitude. This is more of a personal requirement for myself as some people can obtain solitude through being in a room or a building. Personally I like the closeness of nature, of where trees and leaves are easy to touch and helps myself to feel further away from society and so increases the sense of isolation and solitude. Psychology today reinforces this with “One way alone time is fuelled is by experiences that put us in contact with nature.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199802/the-call-solitude?collection=86616)

But the main difference between solitude and loneliness is the state of mind. “The healing aspects of solitude have not gone wholly unnoticed in current psychology; "time out" has been heralded as a coping strategy, as an emotional breather.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199802/the-call-solitude?collection=86616) and this is why solitude can be so important, that we get “a break” from the hustle and bustle of everyday, and increasingly busier, life.

So, time and space for our emotional well being are incredibly important and this is why solitude matters. In this age of where everyone is connected with a smart phone or a computer, time spent unplugged from these devices becomes refreshing and invigorating. Nowadays it is easy to believe that everyone’s life is just one long party, especially if we take the photos on Facebook at face value, but this is just a fabrication. Everyone needs their own space and time and could possibly be built into our human consciousness.